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The Dawning of a New Voice ...
By J. Antione Shell
(Salinas State Prison)

I am a little boy. I am a man, only nineteen years of age. Yet my life up until this point has been like a persistent bad dream. At this young age I have already experienced the cold touch of desperation. I have been hit smack dead in the face by the Criminal Justice System. On numerous occasions I have been pushed away from my very life-line, an outcast, by those who profess to be my family and my friends. But through all of this I've retained two equally important things. One being, my genuine sense of love for those who so unconsciously pushed me away. The second being, my ability to comprehend and relate.

Mrs. Asha Bandele's book "The Prisoner's Wife" contains exact thoughts, feelings and emotions felt by myself. The analogies in which she made use of can stand before me as my identical twin. Her ability to paint a complete thought or emotion with words made me feel at times as though we were sitting before one another conversing - two completely different people, from completely different worlds, but also alike in a thousand ways.

The loneliness she (Mrs. Bandele) expressively felt, I am currently experiencing. Her heartfelt need to make what was once ugly in her life - beautiful is also a part of my ever present struggle. Because if I could change my past, without a single doubt, I would. Still, I know I can't, but I am now content with living for the future.

I am a young man who does not wish to be a critic. Because it is not my place to do so. No, it is not! Yet, I would like the world to hear my voice. For I want all of you who are just as I am, a prisoner in somebody's man-made institution, or a prisoner locked behind the bars of your self-imposed mental barriers, to find freedom in your own mind; then, seek to find it (freedom) in your life.

From the time I was twelve years old, I have been a prisoner. Whether I was confined by society or incarcerated by my own defeatist attitude, I was a prisoner. But now that I am nineteen, and seek to lift the burden of self-imposed ignorance from my shoulders, I begin to see clearly how precious life is.

Frederick Douglass once said, "This struggle may be a moral one, or it may be a physical one, and it may be both moral and physical, but it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will."

My understanding of this is that, the struggle in which Frederick Douglass was referring to can be interpreted as our cultural quest to become a self-defining people. Still, so many of us African-Americans succumb unwittingly to the environments, in which we have created for ourselves; that in this present time, we have long lost the ability to see or even comprehend the struggle of our forefathers. The struggle, whether we want it to be or not, isn't over. Furthermore, I see the use of power to be characteristic of two equally important aspects of African-American life.

The first being, the spiritual power which we as individuals and as a whole possess. For if we did not have spiritual power, we would not have survived thus far. As the Brothers say, true liberty and freedom will be had "in a minute." The second being, our mental power. The power to see and understand with our mind. Our ability to see and think has become distorted, because most if not all of Leaders seemingly care nothing for those of us who are looking for a way out.

These Leaders fear going into these man-made Ghettos, in earnest, to enlighten us about our struggle ahead. They Fear sitting and explaining to a Gang banger that a man is not judged by the size of his gun, but by the depth of his mental abilities. They fear sitting down with a drug dealer and explaining to him that material things do not make him rich. But that, unimaginable riches can be found in teaching a son to be a man, or in building rather than destroying.

I have said this to say, had anybody taken the time out to talk to that young child with the bad temper and sagging pants, they would have seen that I had something to say. They would have felt my uncontrollable passion for expressing myself. Yet, everybody judged the book (me) by its cover. All they saw was anger. All they saw was what they believed to be my disdainful attitude towards my expressionless life. But if they would have looked, they would have seen my plea. They would have heard my silent cries for expression.

Now before I go any further I must say this. There was those who may or may not have seen my plea, who may or may not have heard my cry, but they didn't understand that they could not just approach me, find my problem, and expect me to change my life around at the drop of a dime. So they lost interest and parted company with me. They did not understand or believe that I needed complete help in turning my life around. So instead, to them, I became just another statistic, an un-nurtured flower, still growing, still dying, in a society where a Black man in Jasper, Texas could be tied to the back of a vehicle and dragged to and beyond his death, where atrocities are committed against this young generation of the future. But if we (the youth), are the future of this society, why, I ask, are we being seized, tried, and convicted at the age of thirteen and considered grown?

I have approached this odious reality because I am a product of it. At the tender age of seventeen, I was tried and convicted as an adult. I was given two strikes, five years and ten months, and placed in a Adult Correctional Facility. Having no serious prior offense on my criminal record, this was still my outcome.

I feel that our society should stop placing band aids over its sores and begin to look at the wounds to see: that with care and time, these sores can heal - leaving no scars, only pride.

In closing, I would like to leave you with these words by Jim Rohn, "It is our philosophical set of the sail that determines the course of our lives. To change our current direction, we have to change our philosophy, not our circumstances."

What Music Means to Me
By Aaron C.
(Mid-Valley Youth Center)

Q. What is the best thing about music?

A. To me, the best thing about music is everything. Let me explain. In music, you can have an ultimate chance and space to express your true feelings that you can't just talk about in a normal conversation. For example, most of my rap songs that I write have to do with the everyday struggles I used to put up with on a day-to-day basis, and the struggles I put up with to this day. I can't just say to someone, "I was stuck in a trap where dogs bite like the society." Too many people would think I got stuck in a trap and dogs started biting me and eating me. But to me it's different. When I say "I was stuck in a trap where dogs bite like the society," that means the trap was the world, my everyday living, the struggle, the hopelessness, the fear and pain that I couldn't escape even if I had a key to it. Where dogs bite means, the dogs were people that were vicious, hit me, took advantage of me, used me, abused me, stole, lied or neglected me. The way they bite is by taking a piece of my pride, faith, hope, love, happiness, sanity and trust. Without those things you're nothing. For example, when a dog bites an animal's front legs. The animal can't walk and will later on die. That's how it is with people, without those things you can't survive, and the society of course is the trap, dogs, and the dog bites. The society is everything put together. So you see, you can express yourself in a totally different and unimaginable way.

Q. Why do I love music?

A. The reason I love music is because during the years of hearing it, writing it and using it, I have found that music is an extremely effective way to express and vent my anger, sadness, happiness, depression, and everyday struggles. That way I keep my emotions and feelings in control. I remember I got mad because a friend who I used to rap with got shot in his neighborhood for no reason. So I was mad and wanted to retaliate but I just went to my cousin's house and wrote some lyrics and later went to a studio to put it together. So that's why I love music so much.

Q. Have I always been interested in music?

A. Yes, since I was a little kid. The first time I wrote my first rap was when I was 11 years old. At that time my older brother Jerry was rapping too. He later on died of cancer in 1995. At that point everything was #$%^ up. I didn't want to do $@#% anymore. So I stopped writing raps because my inspiration had left me. A month after he died was his birthday. So I said to myself I'm going to be a rap artist, and go to the NBA or NFL. So I got back on track at twelve and started writing again. I met some people in junior high school, my 7th or 8th grade year, and we used to freestyle a rap at lunch break. We all kinda broke apart after graduation from middle school. In ninth grade I found even more and better rappers, so we would rap together. I got arrested in 1997 and got out 3 1/2 months later. Then in my tenth grade year I started to rap with my cousin. A lot of people liked our style. So we made a few songs and recorded them on a CD and tried to sell them to people around different high schools. That was somewhat successful. We got a little money out of that. After all we did have to split it almost four ways. But it was a very good experience. Now I'm locked up again. On home passes I go to the studio with my cousin sometimes. But now he's locked up. But when we get out we are going to get a record deal, 100% sure. So only time can tell us the answers.

Gangs
By B. Dancy, aka G. Brown
(Central Juvenile Hall)

What I think about gang's basically they are a family to most. Because, for one, most don't have any one to turn to. Other people join because they think it's cool, would like to be in style, get respect. But me I join because for one I was pressured & thought it was cool because every one in my family & neighborhood did it. So I fell for it. When you in a gang you are a puppet to your self & to other's because you do something you don't want or they use peer pressure to make you prove your self. Gang's usually look for kids 10 & over because they are most vulnerable to the life of killing, stealing, hurting people & other things.

Really now that I'm currently locked up I fell it is very stupid. For one, what are we fighting for? A color neither one of us created? Or a word me or you never thought of? & a street we all don't own?

So were does that leave me? With nothing at all.

Until next time
Increase peace